42 | Breaking Free of Narcissism: Mia Hanks on Escaping a 29-Year Marriage with a Narcissist
In this compelling episode of Mental Makeover Radio, Cecilia Mannella sits down with Mia Hanks, a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the author of the memoir Bride-Made. Mia shares her harrowing experience of being married to a covert narcissist for 29 years and the journey she undertook to reclaim her life. Mia discusses her sheltered upbringing, naivety, and how she fell into a relationship with a covert narcissist at a young age.
Mia recounts early red flags, such as her ex-husband's lack of empathy when she was ill and his overreactions to minor issues. She describes the constant feeling of walking on eggshells and the psychological toll it took on her.
The Complexity of Narcissism
Narcissism vs. Selfishness: We discuss the difference between selfish behaviour and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), emphasizing that true narcissists are rarely self-aware or diagnosed.
Spectrum of Narcissism: Mia and I talk about the spectrum of narcissism, from narcissistic traits to sociopathy and psychopathy.
The Leaving Process
Fear and Strategy: Mia discusses the fear of leaving, especially given her ex-husband's threats of self-harm, and the strategy she employed to leave gradually. She highlights the financial control her ex-husband exerted and the challenges it posed when she decided to leave.
Health Impacts
Mia describes the severe physical and mental health issues she faced due to the prolonged stress and abuse, including sleep deprivation, chronic pain, and anxiety attacks.
Advice for Others
Planning and Preparation: Mia offers practical advice for those looking to leave abusive relationships, such as stockpiling money, securing important documents, and keeping plans secret. We emphasize the importance of having a support system, whether it's friends, family, or a therapist.
Healing and Moving Forward
Therapy and Writing: Mia talks about her healing journey through therapy and writing her memoir, which provided her with validation and a new perspective on her experiences. Mia hopes her story will offer hope and guidance to others in similar situations.
Links:
Mia Hanks on TikTok: NPD and Me @npdandme Grab Miaās book Bride-Made
Time Stamps
00:00:02 - Introduction to Mental Makeover Radio
00:00:33 - Guest Introduction: Mia Hanks
00:01:12 - Mia's Background and Marriage History
00:02:00 - Early Red Flags in the Marriage
00:03:40 - The Naivety of Youth
00:04:21 - Recognizing the Signs of Narcissism
00:05:00 - Lack of Empathy and Walking on Eggshells
00:07:01 - Misconceptions About Narcissism
00:08:10 - Narcissism Spectrum and Sociopathy
00:10:09 - Fear and Challenges of Leaving
00:11:05 - Marriage Counseling Experience
00:12:07 - Emotional Manipulation in Therapy
00:14:04 - The Leaving Process
00:17:25 - Threats of Self-Harm
00:18:49 - Emotional Manipulation and Victimhood
00:21:09 - Physical and Mental Health Effects
00:23:20 - Chronic Pain and Sleep Deprivation
00:24:34 - The Slow Evolution of Abuse
00:26:12 - Financial Abuse and Control
00:28:30 - Planning to Leave: Financial Tips
00:33:11 - Practical Steps for Leaving
00:34:09 - Keeping Plans Secret
00:35:12 - The Cunning Nature of Narcissists
00:37:00 - Importance of Community and Support
00:38:10 - Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships
00:41:05 - Self-Compassion and Healing
00:41:17 - Co-Parenting and Healing Journey
00:42:33 - The Therapeutic Power of Writing
00:43:42 - Where to Find Mia Hanks and Her Book
Resources:
Connect with Cecilia Mannella on her Website
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Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Always consult with a qualified therapist or healthcare provider for personalized guidance.
